One Year Later
by MoonlightGardenias
Summary: Addison drabble, one year after she leaves Seattle. Addex friendly, though no ship really used.


**Author's Note: Is it possible to be both happy and sad about something at the same time? Because that is exactly how I feel about the spin-off at the moment. It seems like an okay show, and if for nothing but my obsession with all things Addison and Kate Walsh, I'll watch. But another part of me is sad because of the rediculously huge missed chance Grey's had in Addex.**

**I know that not everyone out there like them, and I know now that there is no chance of them happening-unless the spin-off fails and Kate comes back to Grey's...but what are the chances, really? Anyway, I wanted Alex to be the guy. Addison wanted him to be the guy. He WAS the guy, but he wasn't ready to.**

**So anyway, this isn't necessarily Addex persay, but it's sort of hinting that way. Kind to Alex, I'll say. Because I'm still a die-hard fan, and my twisted, wounded, beat up, Addex loving heart is somehow still beating. So this is for all my fellow team members...hope you like.**

**Oh...just so you know-to anyone who read 'The Safest Place', I really am working on the sequel. I know it's taking me really long, but trust me...I think you'll like it.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Grey's Anatomy, Private Practice, Addison Montgomery, etc. Trust me..things would be different if I did.**

* * *

It was the first time in nearly a month that it was raining in Los Angeles. From her perch on the windowsill, Addison stared lazily out the window, trying to find comfort in the way the palm trees stood regally. The cup of coffee resting in her hands had turned cold, but she didn't seem to notice much.

A year. It had been one full year since she left the dreary Seattle mist for a fresh, new change in Los Angeles. While she was happy most of the time, content with the lack on nonstop gossip and drama, Addison always found days that rained made her feel less happy about it. She'd never dreamed of telling anyone at the wellness center about it, let alone Pete himself.

A sad smile crossed her features as she thought of him. Pete was a nice guy, a great guy compared to some she had known. He'd been trying so hard to get her to notice him, and aside from the constant attempts at trying to flirt with her, she didn't mind much. It was nice, someone actually wanting her for a change. But somehow, Addison thought as she watched the rain pelt the window, it just didn't feel right. He was a nice guy, and on most days, Pete was pretty funny. Still, she could tell that all of the sarcasm and the grins were to hide the pain he too felt inside.

Which is exactly why she felt guilty anytime she started to feel the way she did. Addison wasn't dating anyone, that was made painfully clear anytime they spoke. Still, she'd managed to hold off his pursuing because it seemed like there was always something missing.

He wanted to be the guy. The white picket fences, the birthday parties, the struggling with the christmas lights as he put them on the tree. Addison had been trying to deny it for so long, because it was scary to think that after all of that time, there was a guy who actually wanted to be the one she was looking for. The problem was that, to her, he didn't feel like it.

At her job, Addison tried her best to keep emotions out of the way. She tried to let reason and rules regulate everything she did, because she knew what had happened last time. She let herself fall for the charming looks and alluring attitude of one Alex Karev, and in return, Addison had her heart broken.

Tears pricked at her eyes at any memories that came, though Addison knew it wouldn't do any good. He wasn't the guy. He wasn't willing to plan birthday parties, or mow the lawn on his free saturdays. It wasn't that he didn't want to, because before she left, Addison was almost sure he would have been. But then he wasn't. He had publicly said to her that he couldn't be that guy for her. The problem at the time was that he felt like the guy.

Then the biggest blow had come, Addison remembered. She couldn't have children. It was a joke, really-because she had once been given the chance to be a mother and she chose to throw it away. Mark wasn't ready to be a father, and even if he was, Addison made the choice for him.

She drew her knees closer to her chest, slowly letting out a breath. It wasn't that she was upset, because she slowly grew use to the fact that she couldn't have a child. It just wasn't in her cards. Still, as she thought about what could have been with Alex-of what she herself had dreamed of, and as she thought of what still might be with the man who actually wanted to be there, Addison realized that maybe it was better if she didn't dwell too long on what could have been.

Reaching down beside her, Addison found the envelope that had stopped her in her tracks the night before. She had come home to her apartment, going through her usual routine she did when she got home. As she sifted through the mail, she found the usual-an offer for carpet cleaning, her cellphone bill, and then something else-something that used a Seattle address as the return. At the time, she hadn't thought about who could have sent it. But as she ripped the envelope open and saw the card, Addison knew.

Pulling the card out, she saw a black and white picture of a woman standing alone on a beach, a blanket wrapped tightly around her. Swallowing the lump that has formed in her throat, Addison opened the card to find that save for a few hand-written lines, the card was blank.

_I just wanted to say that I hope things are going well for you in L.A.. I hope you found what you were looking for, Addison-I'm just sorry you couldn't find it here. Has it already been a year? It's hard to believe. I kind of figured you'd be one to celebrate anniversaries, so I wanted to send you one in celebration of your big move, and I'm not being sarcastic when I say I hope it's what you wanted._

_Alex_

Addison slowly shut the card, still staring down at it. He remembered. Of all the times she had questioned since she left, wondering how many she had worked with would still remember her, Alex had been the first one. It was true, that she got random e-mails from Callie and such, but Alex had been the only one to truly remember.

He was that guy-the one who remembered important things if he really, truly needed to. For the first time in the whole twelve months Addison had lived in California, she truly began to feel that maybe she'd be okay. She could write him back, or she couldn't. Either way she felt safer knowing that she was remembered back in Seattle.

The rain stopped shortly thereafter, and Addison thought about going down to the shore, if for nothing but to feel the sand beneath her toes. In a way, she was like the woman on the card, and somehow Addison was sure Alex thought so when she picked out the card. She may have been alone, at least on that part of the beach-but she didn't feel like it. Addison decided that, somehow, she felt the same.


End file.
